you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
