He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
