my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
