The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
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