he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
