YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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