so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
