I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
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He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
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If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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