i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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