Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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