so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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