dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
