Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
