12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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