I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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