i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
MIDGETS
????
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
