And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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