Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
