Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
