Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
so let's talk penis.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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