He asked to "fluff my boner.."
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
