Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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