Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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