last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
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One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
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Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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