i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
