I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
