i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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