True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
