i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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