someone threw a dead crab at me
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
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