matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
