went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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