I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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