I think i sorta joined a cult last night
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
being pregnant is like rehab
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I'm both gender and math confused
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
