dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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