btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
