She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
