just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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