Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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