So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
