Plan B is the new Plan A
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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