well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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