You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
