my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
My pussy is not your playground.
Everything about him screamed your future.
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i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
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Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!