im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?