sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
