I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake