I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me