dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!