Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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