bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
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