It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
