Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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