Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
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