I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
