woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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