So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
