I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
