When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize