there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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