why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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