Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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