If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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